my jaw pain story

Singing was my life. I should start with that.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a singer. From belting out made-up songs about cats with luxuriously fluffy tails in my back yard as a second-grader, to participating in All State Choir in high school, performing gigs at a local coffee shop, majoring in vocal performance, and having a voice teacher my freshman year of college tell me he wanted to “raise the bar” of the university’s vocal department with me…singing has always been my passion.

I don’t sing anymore, though.

The truth is, I can’t. Even singing along with a hymn or two in church inevitably leads to tingling cheeks, burning muscles in my neck and face, and a headache that plagues me for hours or even days.

My jaw pain started in high school, along with my voice lessons. I remember asking my voice teacher one day if it was normal for your face to tingle after singing for a while. The pain only got worse when I entered college. I began to see spots during voice lessons, and would end up spending hours in bed afterwords. I even kept a pain journal with entries like: “Woke up with a headache, took 2 ibuprofen. Took 3 more at lunch. Headache lasted all day. Taking tylenol PM before bed. Couldn’t eat much dinner because face hurt.”

The consistency of my pain prompted me to seek out medical treatment. I had one doctor tell me it was TMJ, and I’d “just learn to live with it,” while another diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. There was a whole slough of mouth pieces–many of which just caused my pain to increase. Finally, I found a doctor in Seattle (where I was attending University) whose website described my pain to a tee. (It even listed a common pain-relief practice as pulling on your lower lip. I hadn’t realized that that strange habit of mine was recognized in the medical community as a legitimate coping mechanism!)

My Seattle doctor, Dr. Gordon, quickly discovered that I was suffering from an “open dislocation,” meaning both of my jaw discs were habitually dislocated. I entered a 3-year process of excruciating physical therapy, where I’d go in every week for several hours of jaw manipulation. (This basically means he’d warm my face up with heating pads and then pull my jaw in all sorts of directions to get the discs back in place. It was as horrifying as it was painful.) After 3 years of this torture (which really did help my pain, believe it or not), my discs were back in place on a fairly regular basis. It was then we made a new, rather alarming discovery: my teeth didn’t actually touch.

By this time, I had graduated from University and needed to move back home to Colorado for several reasons: including the need to be close to my family while I pursued the next step in my treatment. Once I was settled, I began the process of searching for a new doctor. I met with one who made me a very complicated and large mouth piece in order to stabilize my bite. I literally had an inch of plastic between my teeth 24 hours a day. (Made getting a job SO fun.) This doctor then came up with the treatment plan from hell: he wanted to file down all of my teeth so that my bite would align, and then cap them all.

Considering I was only 24 years old and had never even had a cavity, the thought of destroying every tooth in my head seemed a bit insane to me. So, I started the search for a doctor all over again.

(You may be wondering why I didn’t immediately go to an orthodontist or an oral surgeon. First of all, my teeth were almost perfectly straight. I had never worn braces, and had always heard from my dentist that my teeth didn’t need them. Even though I had an open bite, my teeth still looked pretty and straight…so, oddly enough, it didn’t really occur to me immediately to visit an orthodontist. The main reason for neglecting that route, though, was that I was honestly trying to avoid surgery. Surgery had been on the table since my Dr. Gordon days, but had always been an absolute last resort. I was trying desperately to find an alternative that wouldn’t require cutting my face into several chunks.)

Finally, three years after returning to Colorado, I found the team I wanted to work with. Dr. Zuichovski, my orthodontist, is an incredibly kind, detail-oriented man who has made my comfort a number 1 priority throughout treatment. I’ve also found the surgeon: Dr. D’darrio, who has worked closely with Dr. Zuichovski throughout the process. After exhausting every possible avenue of treatment, I spent several months searching out this team: and I couldn’t be more pleased with them.

I got my braces on October 28, 2010…just over a month after my wedding. The braces process has been painful because it doesn’t allow for a mouth piece, which I had been living in 24/7 for the last 5 years. Without the stabilizing effect of a mouth piece, I’ve suffered from slipped discs, popping jaw joints, some locking, and an increased level of pain again. But, I know this is just a temporary set-back as we prepare for the final step: double jaw surgery.

Hopefully, surgery is “just around the corner” for me. (Maybe next month? Maybe 3 months?) Throughout this process, I’ve dealt with debilitating pain, anxiety, insomnia, gastrointestinal issues galore, depression, fear and a never-ending onslaught of financial burdens. (Insurance, at this point, is refusing to pay for anything. But that’s a whole other post…or series of posts.)

And so, here I am…just me and my little, fledgling blog. I’ve only recently delved into the jaw surgery blogosphere, mostly because I’ve been too afraid to read the details of others’ travails. But I’m slowly finding courage. I’ve read some very uplifting blogs so far, and can only hope that keeping my own record of this journey will be an important part of the healing process.

Maybe someday, I’ll be able to sing again. Until that day, I hope my blogging voice can offer hope and help to someone else struggling with jaw pain.